Episode 204 - Dad
Exploring Mortality Through Music: A Special Father’s Day Edition of Your Funeral Music
Introduction
Every week on Your Funeral Music, we embark on a poignant and reflective journey, inviting guests to share the songs they’d want played at their funeral. This unique exploration helps us confront and contemplate our own mortality. This week, in honor of Father’s Day, host Michael Venske sits down with a very special guest—his own father, Steve—to delve into this deeply personal and often overlooked conversation.
Breaking the Silence: A Father-Son Conversation
Opening the show, Michael warmly welcomes listeners and his father, Steve, to this Father’s Day episode. The atmosphere is equal parts tender and lighthearted, as they navigate a conversation that’s simultaneously unusual and deeply meaningful. Michael’s first question—how much help Mom provided in curating the playlist—elicits a humorous admission from his dad. Though he initially denies it, he eventually concedes that his wife played a role, showcasing the blend of honesty and playfulness that characterizes their interaction.
Reflecting on the difficulty of discussing mortality, Michael’s dad observes that it’s challenging because of the finality involved. “Everybody’s used to seeing you alive,” he says. “You’re not going to be there anymore. You just won’t do anything with them anymore.” This sentiment captures the emotional weight of such conversations and underscores the importance of addressing them head-on.
The Playlist Begins: “One More Day” by Diamond Rio
The first song on the playlist is “One More Day” by Diamond Rio, a poignant country ballad that resonates deeply with themes of love, longing, and the desire for just a little more time. When asked why this song made the list, Michael’s dad answers simply: “Cause I’m greedy like everybody. Want one more day. If all of a sudden you’re going to go, just give me one more day. You know, it’s never enough.”
Michael probes further, asking whether his dad would want to spend that hypothetical last day alone or surrounded by loved ones. His dad’s answer is immediate: he’d spend it with his wife and children, valuing the time with family above all else. This heartfelt exchange sets the tone for the rest of the playlist, revealing the deeply personal and emotional connections his dad has with each song.
A Country Legend: Conway Twitty’s “Why Me Lord”
Next up is Conway Twitty’s rendition of “Why Me Lord.” A favorite of Michael’s dad, this song combines soulful lyrics with heartfelt questions about life and grace. Michael’s dad reflects on its significance, describing it as a humble acknowledgment of one’s flaws and a plea for understanding. “I’m not a great guy, but why, why do you love me?” he muses. “He just loves you. That’s the way it is.”
This moment reveals not only his dad’s appreciation for Twitty’s music but also his own reflections on faith, gratitude, and the mysteries of divine love. The story of attending a Conway Twitty dinner show with his wife adds a personal touch, illustrating how music and memories intertwine to create lasting impressions.
Music as a Bridge to the Soul
As the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear that these songs serve as more than mere entertainment; they are profound expressions of identity, values, and connections. Each track holds a story, a memory, or a sentiment that speaks to Steve’s unique journey—a journey he’s now sharing with listeners in a deeply vulnerable and meaningful way.
The Significance of "On Eagle's Wings"
In the discussion about funeral music, one of the notable songs mentioned is On Eagle's Wings. While not necessarily a personal favorite of the guest, Steve, it holds a special place in his memory due to a friend's heartfelt performances. As he recalls, this friend has a remarkable voice and often sings the song at local funerals, making the rendition deeply moving and memorable.
Although he admires her talent, he humbly acknowledges that asking her to perform specifically for this conversation felt a bit out of place. Yet, he did reflect on how her interpretation stands out among others, saying, “I think she does a lot better job than any of the ones I heard.” This subtle appreciation underscores the emotional resonance of familiar voices in moments of reflection and remembrance.
Preferences for Simplicity in Farewell
When contrasting his wishes for a funeral with others, including his wife’s desire for a grand celebration, Steve expresses a preference for simplicity. He imagines a modest ceremony, short and sweet, followed by a celebratory gathering. "I think that would be really good," he remarks, envisioning a space where loved ones can reminisce about the good times and shared experiences.
This pragmatic and heartfelt approach also extends to his openness about incorporating elements of casual joy, as he amusingly recalls funerals where beverages like beer were part of the service. For him, such a celebration aligns with the essence of a meaningful goodbye—honoring life in a way that feels genuine and unpretentious.
A Religious Thread: Honoring Faith and Family Traditions
The discussion delves deeper into Steve’s spirituality as he reflects on the religious undertones in his chosen songs. Songs like How Great Thou Art evoke strong family memories, particularly of his grandmother. Despite suffering a significant accident, her unwavering faith and joyous singing remain vivid in his memory. "She'd just play the piano and she'd be singing her heart out," he recalls, painting a picture of resilience and devotion.
When asked about his own spirituality, Dad modestly admits to not being as religious as he aspires to be but holds steadfast in his belief in God and the hope of heaven. His upbringing in the church, with perfect Sunday school attendance, left an indelible mark. Yet, he candidly shares that in retirement, he hasn’t necessarily sought to deepen his religious practice. Instead, he finds solace in the forgiving nature of a loving Creator, saying, “I think He’ll take me as I am.”
The Universality of "Amazing Grace"
Another iconic choice in the lineup is Amazing Grace. Its inclusion speaks to its timeless appeal as a funeral hymn, transcending personal preferences to become a communal anthem of solace and hope. "That's just a good funeral song. Good church song," he remarks, highlighting its universal resonance across faiths and ceremonies.
Although Steve humorously admits he isn’t known for singing in the community, his connection to music and its role in family milestones—like singing at anniversaries—adds another layer of warmth to these reflections. Despite the self-proclaimed "black sheep" moment of his musical endeavor, it’s these shared memories that enrich the narrative of his life and legacy.
Celebrating Milestones: The 50th Anniversary Celebration
The conversation opens with reflections on a family milestone: Michael’s grandparents’ 50th anniversary celebration, hosted in a fellowship hall at the church. This event encapsulated the idea that “location, time, and place” play a significant role in shaping our memories. As they shared stories of the past, it became clear that such moments are anchors in the collective family history.
The Comfort of Music at Life’s End
The show delves into the music choices Michael’s father has for his eventual funeral, weaving a rich tapestry of memories tied to iconic songs. Alan Jackson's rendition of Amazing Grace led to a shared moment of gratitude for celebrating these songs while his father is still alive to enjoy them.
Following this, Vince Gill's Go Rest High on That Mountain evoked memories of a friend’s funeral, demonstrating music’s power to connect us to people and events in ways words cannot. This reflection transitioned into a candid discussion about end-of-life fears.
Addressing Fears and Difficult Conversations
Steve shared a vulnerable moment, admitting his fear of being trapped in a vegetative state at the end of his life. This fear resonated deeply with both men, sparking a broader conversation about the need for compassionate end-of-life options, such as the Right to Die Act, which is gaining traction in certain states.
“It’s cruel,” Michael observed, echoing his father’s sentiment that we afford more humane options to our pets than to our loved ones in similar circumstances.
The Legacy of Fathers
As the conversation turned to Zac Brown Band’s My Old Man, Michael’s father reflected on the enduring influence of his own dad. From his dad’s laughter to the little sayings that have stuck over the years, these memories paint a picture of a father whose presence is still felt in countless ways. The song prompted a universal truth: everyone who hears it is likely reminded of their own father, whether through good times or challenges.
A Sobering Reflection on Aging
The discussion concluded with thoughts on aging and the inevitable limitations that come with it. Michael’s father, now in his mid-60s, openly acknowledged that while he hoped to live well into his 70s, living into his 80s seemed less desirable, depending on his health.
“I think about it,” he admitted, noting how plans made in youth often feel out of reach when the time to fulfill them arrives. This candid reflection underscored the importance of living intentionally, making memories, and prioritizing joy in the present.
The Simplicity of Aging
When asked about his plans for the next ten years, Michael's dad expressed a grounded perspective. “Not necessarily,” he said, in response to whether he had a bucket list. His reflections were less about achieving grand milestones and more about savoring the present. He noted that while he no longer engages in activities like snowmobiling or four-wheeling, simpler joys such as sitting under a shade tree have become the highlight of his days.
He emphasized how memories unexpectedly resurface in daily life—whether it’s a drive past a familiar place or hearing a phrase that reminds him of his father. These small moments of connection with the past, he shared, are inevitable and deeply comforting.
Advice for Tough Times
When prompted for words of wisdom to navigate life’s challenges, Steve humbly admitted, “A tough time is a tough time.” It’s a sentiment that resonates with many—sometimes, there’s no silver bullet for adversity. Instead, he offered simple encouragement: “It’ll be a better day. It’ll always be a better day.”
This understated resilience encapsulates the universal truth that time has a way of healing wounds and bringing clarity.
Living a Life Worth Remembering
The episode wrapped up with a poignant piece of advice from Dad: “Have a good time.” This wasn’t merely about fleeting enjoyment but about embracing life’s brevity with joy and gratitude. He encouraged listeners to focus on the good times and to celebrate life with cheer and laughter rather than dwelling on sorrow.
Reflecting on funerals, he noted the emotional strength of some mourners and the importance of remembering loved ones with a smile rather than tears. His hope for his own service? That it would be a moment of levity and warmth rather than sadness.
Closing the Father’s Day Episode
Michael concluded the special by expressing heartfelt gratitude to his dad for sharing his life and music. “I couldn’t celebrate Father’s Day without you,” he said, underscoring the unique bond they share. As they reminisced and laughed, it was clear that the episode wasn’t just about curating a funeral playlist—it was about connecting with loved ones in the present.
Listeners were reminded that Your Funeral Music isn’t just a podcast about death but a celebration of life, music, and the memories that define us. For anyone inspired to share their own stories and playlists, the invitation to visit the show’s website and become a guest remains open.
This Father’s Day special was a testament to the power of music and storytelling to preserve legacies, deepen connections, and remind us to cherish the moments we have with those we love.
