Episode 201 - Mom
Celebrating Life and Legacy: A Mother-Son Conversation about Funeral Music
Welcome to a very special Mother's Day edition of Your Funeral Music, a podcast dedicated to exploring mortality through the songs we might choose for our own farewells. This week, host Michael Venske welcomes a very special guest: his own mother.
A Mother's Day Beginning
The episode begins with a reflection on the origins of Mother's Day itself. Ann Reeves Jarvis, the "mother of Mother's Day," dedicated her life to helping other mothers, starting pre-Civil War "Mother's Day work clubs" to educate mothers on childcare. After the war, she organized "Mother's Friendship Day" gatherings for mothers and former Union and Confederate soldiers, promoting reconciliation. It was her death that inspired her daughter, Anna Jarvis, to campaign for a national holiday honoring mothers, leading to the first official Mother's Day observance in 1908, near the anniversary of her mother's passing.
A Musical Journey Begins
The first song chosen by Mom is "Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic. This song holds deep personal meaning, having been introduced to her shortly after her own father's passing by a close friend. The song resonated deeply, feeling like a perfect tribute to her dad.
The lyrics of "Jealous of the Angels" explore the pain of loss and the longing for a loved one who has passed, expressing a sense of envy towards the angels who now have their company. This sets the stage for a conversation about the afterlife.
Beliefs About the Afterlife and Spirits
When asked about her beliefs regarding what happens after death, Mom expresses a firm belief in heaven, envisioning herself becoming an angel who helps others and watches over her loved ones on Earth. This leads to a discussion about spirits and ghosts, which Mom also believes in. She shares two personal anecdotes:
The Rocking Chair: As a nine-year-old, shortly after moving into a new home, she witnessed a chair that belonged to her great-grandmother rocking on its own, accompanied by the distinct scent of her perfume. This experience solidified her belief in the presence of spirits.
The Camping Trip: While camping with friends, after a late-night conversation about one of the friend's deceased fathers, Mom awoke at five in the morning and saw what she believed to be his spirit. She described the figure to her friend the next morning, who confirmed the accuracy of the description, particularly noting his "piercing blue eyes." These experiences have convinced her that spirits are "all around us."
This segment concludes with the song "Angels Among Us," further emphasizing the theme of spiritual presence and guidance.
A Tribute Through Song
The third song chosen is "How Great Thou Art" by Home Free. Mom explains that she first encountered Home Free after her father's passing, finding their music deeply moving. She subsequently purchased CDs for the entire family, as this song had been played at his funeral. This particular version holds special significance for her.
Following this song, the conversation shifts to the guest's vision for her own funeral. She expresses a desire for "all the trimmings," including an organ, a choir, and pallbearers, emphasizing a preference for a service filled with music and singing.
The conversation touches upon Mom's religious background. Raised Catholic, she later converted to Lutheranism, clarifying that her funeral would not involve a Catholic mass.
A Touch of Nostalgia
The fourth song, "Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver, is chosen as a tribute to Mom’s husband, who she says resembles John Denver. She has always loved the song and envisions it representing her own journey "home." This adds a personal and nostalgic touch to the musical selections. The host even jokes about Mom’s dream scenario as her husband and John Denver being in the same room…
This section ends with the host acknowledging the slightly unusual nature of this Mother's Day project, but also emphasizing the value of having this conversation while his mother is still with them.
Celebrating Life Through Dance and Music
The conversation shifts to the fifth song on Mom's list, "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. This choice reflects a desire for her passing to be a celebration of life rather than a somber occasion. She expresses a wish for people to dance and be happy, embracing life rather than dwelling on her absence. This leads to a brief, lighthearted exchange about the nature of the "dance," clarifying that it's meant to be a joyful celebration, not a morbid reaction to her death.
This song emphasizes the importance of embracing life's experiences, both the joys and the challenges, and encourages listeners to live with wonder and faith.
Courage in Conversation
Following the song, the host acknowledges the potentially difficult nature of the conversation, asking Mom if she was nervous about participating. She admits to some nervousness, having never been on the radio before. The host commends her courage in engaging in such a personal and potentially sensitive discussion, emphasizing the value of open conversations about mortality.
Living Each Day to the Fullest
The sixth song, "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw, prompts a deeper discussion about its meaning. Mom expresses a desire for everyone to take the song's message to heart, emphasizing the importance of appreciating loved ones and living each day to the fullest. She reflects on the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences and prioritizing meaningful relationships.
The song's lyrics tell the story of someone who, after receiving a life-altering diagnosis, decides to embrace life with renewed vigor, pursuing long-held dreams and prioritizing meaningful connections.
Remembering a Life Well-Lived
The host notes that Mom has chosen two songs by Tim McGraw, to which she explains her appreciation for the artist, placing him among her favorites. The conversation then transitions to the seventh song, also by Tim McGraw, "Please Remember Me." Mom explains that this song expresses her hope that she will be remembered fondly after she is gone.
The host reassures her that she will undoubtedly be remembered, particularly by her family, highlighting her role as a central figure in their lives. He then asks if there are any other key messages in the song beyond the plea for remembrance. Mom simply states that she hopes to be remembered as a "sweet little old lady." This prompts a lighthearted exchange about her recent retirement and the idea that retirement is "the new 40."
The discussion then turns to Mom's artistic pursuits. Having created various works of art throughout her life, including quilts, ceramics, and paintings, the host asks if she considers her art to be a part of her legacy. Mom expresses hope that her creations will serve as reminders of her and the gifts she has shared with others.
This song speaks to the universal desire to leave a lasting impact on the world and to be remembered by loved ones.
The Importance of Kindness
Beyond the music selection, Mom emphasizes the importance of kindness in life. She views small acts of kindness, like sharing a smile or holding a door, as having a ripple effect that can positively impact others.
Facing Mortality with Courage
The conversation acknowledges the sensitive nature of discussing death. Mom admits to some nervousness about participating in the show, but her bravery in openly discussing her thoughts and feelings around mortality is highlighted by the host.
Leaving a Lasting Legacy
Mom expresses a hope to be remembered for the positive ways she touched the lives of others, both through her artistic creations and her kindness. She also acknowledges the importance of finding joy in life's everyday moments.
The Gift of Family
The show concludes with the host expressing his gratitude to his mother for her love, patience, and guidance throughout his life. He admires her strength, creativity, and the way she lives her life.
More Than Just a Funeral Playlist
This episode of "Your Funeral Music" goes beyond creating a funeral playlist. It offers a glimpse into a mother-son relationship built on love, respect, and open communication. It encourages listeners to contemplate their own mortality and the legacy they want to leave behind. The show also highlights the importance of living life to the fullest and cherishing the moments we have with loved ones.
