Episode 110 - Erica Scanlon
The Role of Music in Life and Beyond: A Conversation with Erica Scanlon
Introduction
Welcome to Your Funeral Music, the show where each week we invite a guest to share the songs they want played at their funeral. This musical journey helps us reflect on mortality, connect with our emotions, and cherish the beauty of life through music.
Have you ever thought about your funeral music playlist? If not, perhaps it’s time to start. Sharing these playlists is a deeply personal yet universal experience, and we encourage listeners to join the conversation at yourfuneralmusic.com. This week, our guest is Erica Scanlon, a Minnesota native who finds solace in nature and joy in laughter.
Music has a profound way of connecting us to the most meaningful aspects of our lives, serving as a bridge between the past, present, and even the unknown future. Erica Scanlon’s reflections in her conversation with Michael Venske uncover the emotional weight and intentionality behind selecting music for her celebration of life. This practice not only encapsulates her personal story but also offers a gift of remembrance to loved ones.
Planning for the Inevitable: A Unique Perspective
Erica touched on a fascinating question often overlooked in end-of-life planning: what music do you want at your funeral? While many of us ponder practical details—organ donation, cremation, burial—seldom do we pause to consider the soundtrack of our farewell. Erica found this question captivating and immediately resonated with the idea of crafting a musical legacy for her celebration of life.
“It was an obvious yes,” she noted, reflecting on how music can deeply connect people even in moments of profound loss.
Selecting the Soundtrack of Life
When choosing the songs for her ceremony, Erica explained her process as a mix of intuition and reflection. Some tracks immediately stood out, while others required deeper thought. These songs, often characterized as love songs or odes to the loss of love, extend their meaning beyond romance, resonating with the broader concept of loss of life itself.
For Erica, it was crucial that the selected music encapsulated her essence and touched on the shared experiences of those she leaves behind. "I just couldn't see myself leaving without everyone in my life who would be gathering around me hearing them," she said. This deliberate selection turned each song into a heartfelt gift, a means of ensuring her loved ones could think of her and feel connected to her whenever they heard these tunes.
Let’s dive into her unique playlist and explore the stories behind her choices.
Tom Waits - Come on Up to the House
Erica’s first selection is the soulful Come on Up to the House by Tom Waits, from his 1999 album Mule Variations. The song’s melancholic yet hopeful tone resonates deeply with Erica. She describes how each verse lists life’s troubles but concludes with an invitation: come on up to the house.
To Erica, the “house” represents a sanctuary—be it a spiritual haven, a community of friends and family, or a metaphorical space where comfort and understanding await. It’s a reminder that no matter our struggles, we’re not alone. This song beautifully blends raw emotion with an uplifting message, setting the tone for Erica’s reflective playlist.
The Carter Family - Can the Circle Be Unbroken
Next on Erica’s list is the iconic Can the Circle Be Unbroken by the Carter Family, first recorded in 1935. A poignant narrative about loss and mourning, the song’s cyclical theme deeply resonates with Erica. Introduced to the track through her grandparents, Erica appreciates how it has been reinterpreted over the years, evolving into a timeless hymn about the unbreakable bonds of life, death, and the afterlife.
For Erica, the song encapsulates the universal human experience of connection, whether through joy or sorrow. It reminds us of the enduring ties that unite us, even in the face of loss.
Eilen Jewell - Here With Me
Eilen Jewell’s Here With Me from the album Sundown Over Ghost Town offers a dreamy reflection on memories of lost loved ones. Erica sees this song as a bridge between the present and the past, allowing us to channel guidance and comfort from those no longer with us.
She shares how memories of her grandparents, who played a significant role in her upbringing, often come to mind with clarity. This connection feels like a gentle nudge from beyond, reminding her of their enduring presence. The song’s wistful yet hopeful message aligns perfectly with the essence of Erica’s playlist.
Blaze Foley - Our Little Town
Blaze Foley’s Our Little Town, performed live at the Austin Outhouse, stands out as one of Erica’s more somber picks. Despite its melancholic undertones, the song’s opening lines offer glimmers of hope. The imagery of skies turning from gray to blue mirrors the uplifting power of cherished memories.
Erica reflects on how these memories preserve the essence of those we’ve lost, helping them live on in our hearts. For her, this song is a tender acknowledgment of life’s inevitable sadness, balanced by the joy of remembrance.
Poe - If You Were Here
From Poe’s album Haunted (2000), If You Were Here is a heartfelt tribute inspired by the discovery of recordings from the artist’s late father. Erica views this track as a thank-you letter to those who leave behind invaluable treasures—memories, traits, and lessons that shape our lives.
For Erica, this song captures the beauty of carrying loved ones’ legacies forward. She finds joy in recognizing pieces of her grandmother’s voice and wisdom within herself, a precious gift that keeps their connection alive.
Exploring the Depths of Bilgewater
Following a brief pause, Brown Bird’s "Bilgewater" filled the air with its bright rhythm and introspective lyrics. This song, rich in its metaphorical undertones, delves into resilience amidst life's relentless challenges. Lines such as "In spite of all, to live without, to fight it all, I'll embrace it all" resonate with an unyielding spirit to confront hardships head-on. Its themes of perseverance and adaptability make it a poignant addition to any reflective playlist.
Lost River by Murder by Death: A Divergence of Interpretations
Transitioning to the next track, host Michael Venske introduced "Lost River" by Murder by Death, a song from their 2012 album Bitter Drink, Bitter Moon. Erica Scanlon shared her unique connection to the piece. Despite its dark lyrical narrative—of a soul calling its loved one to join it in death—Erica reinterpreted the song with a lighter sentiment. For her, the river symbolizes a cherished place of connection, where memories of loved ones endure. This duality in interpretation showcases the power of music to evoke deeply personal meanings, even when the artist's intention diverges.
The Aspirational Message in Tops of the Trees
Next on the playlist was "Tops of the Trees" by The Brothers Comatose from their 2016 album City Painted Gold. Erica found inspiration in this song's message of reaching for seemingly unattainable goals and the importance of taking risks without waiting for perfect timing. Its lyrical imagery, describing the transformation of nature and fleeting moments, parallels the human journey of striving and hope.
Simplicity and Reflection in Rain Roll In
The discussion then shifted to Eilen Jewell’s "Rain Roll In", the opening track from her 2009 album Sea of Tears. Erica described the song as an uplifting reflection on finding joy in life's simple pleasures. Its poignant lyrics—“Let’s just listen to the rain roll in, I don’t feel like we gotta do nothing”—capture the essence of embracing stillness and appreciating fleeting moments.
Closing with The Parting Glass
Finally, Erica selected Freddie White’s rendition of "The Parting Glass", a traditional Scottish tune often sung at the end of gatherings. She highlighted her Irish familial ties, where it serves as a funeral song symbolizing closure and peaceful departure. The idea of the "parting glass" as a final toast reflects Erica's ethos: cherishing bonds and looking forward to reunion in another time or place.
Music as a Memorial: Erica's Perspective
As the episode concluded, Erica emphasized the significance of focusing on happy memories when dealing with loss. She expressed a preference for avoiding traditional memorialization, advocating instead for personal reflections and celebrating shared experiences. Her approach to planning end-of-life music reflects a unique perspective: curating songs that resonate deeply with one's life story and legacy.
Songs as Emotional Anchors
Some of the chosen songs hold particularly strong emotional ties for Erica. She highlighted "Our Little Town" by Blaze Foley and "If You Were Here" by Poe as especially poignant. Both pieces carry layers of personal meaning and broader themes of love, loss, and memory. The emotional depth of these songs doesn’t overshadow their uplifting qualities, reminding listeners of the complex duality of grief and joy.
Regarding “If You Were Here,” Erica shared how the album it belongs to was created with audio recordings of Poe's father after his passing—a poignant connection that added to the song’s resonance.
Uplifting Messages for a Celebration of Life
While some of Erica’s selections evoke sadness, her overall goal is to leave an uplifting impression. "I want everyone to come away keeping the happy memories of me with them," she emphasized. Erica’s vision for her celebration of life is not rooted in sorrow but in a celebration of shared moments, a reminder that life’s best days could still be ahead—even after loss.
She stressed the importance of leaving a message of optimism: "Even if I knew that I would be dying soon, I don't feel like I've hit my peak yet." This perspective carries a powerful message for her loved ones—that their own journeys remain filled with potential and possibility.
Exploring the Unknown: Death as a Stepping Stone or Final Chapter
As the conversation shifted toward broader reflections on death, Erica and Michael delved into beliefs about what lies beyond. Erica described the concept of this life as a stepping stone, with some viewing what comes after as an even greater experience. She also acknowledged the possibility of nothingness but embraced the mystery with a sense of wonder: “How great would it be to be surprised?”
This open-minded approach underscores the beauty of embracing the unknown, whether life continues in another form or concludes entirely.
Finding Meaning in Nature and the Everyday
Erica Scanlon shared profound insights into her personal spirituality, which centers around a deep connection with nature. Although she doesn’t adhere to a structured faith, she draws inspiration from ancient practices like Druidism and paganism, where reverence is given to multiple aspects of the natural world. Her approach isn’t about formal prayer but about gratitude—taking moments outdoors to acknowledge the land, sky, and the rhythm of life. Meditation and outdoor rituals are her means of connecting with the spiritual, which is a cornerstone of her beliefs.
Interestingly, Erica embraces certain traditions from organized religions that resonate with her. For example, she loves attending the Midnight Mass at the Cathedral in St. Paul on Christmas Eve. The act of lighting candles for loved ones as part of Catholic tradition deeply moves her. However, she’s also found a charming alternative at a local bar, the Dubliner, where patrons can light candles in memory of loved ones. These small rituals bring joy and depth to her experience, blending the sacred with the ordinary in meaningful ways.
Reflections on Death and Legacy
When asked about her thoughts on life after death, Erica’s answer combined logic and whimsy. While the rational side of her believes in the finality of life, the romantic side entertains the idea of reincarnation. Her childhood experiences—thinking she recognized herself in younger children—illustrate her fascination with the continuity of existence. Although she no longer has these experiences as an adult, the memory of them underscores her openness to life’s mysteries.
As Erica reflected on her legacy, she expressed a desire to be remembered for her listening skills, laughter, and the joy she brings to others—qualities she associates with her late grandmother. This grounded perspective on legacy demonstrates her focus on genuine human connections over grand achievements.
Focusing on the Good Amid Loss
Erica offered a poignant message for those grappling with grief: focus on the happy memories and shared experiences. She believes that commemorating loved ones doesn’t have to involve visiting cemeteries; instead, it can happen anywhere—whether in the places shared with them or in quiet reflection. Her emphasis on celebrating the positive aspects of a life well-lived encourages a more uplifting perspective on loss.
The Practicality of Pre-Planning
Erica’s time working in a funeral home taught her a valuable lesson: pre-planning is a gift to loved ones. She noted that music selection, in particular, is an often-overlooked but significant part of funerals. Families are sometimes too overwhelmed to make these choices, leaving funeral homes to default to traditional tunes. Erica’s advice is simple yet impactful: include personal preferences—such as specific songs—in your will. Whether it’s “Amazing Grace” or a more unique choice, these details can add a personal touch to the final farewell.
A Final Thought
Erica’s reflections remind us that life, death, and grief are deeply intertwined. By embracing the journey, from the small joys in everyday life to the meaningful rituals that bring us peace, we can approach these universal experiences with grace and acceptance. Her openness to exploring the big questions inspires us to look at grief as a process that connects us to the broader tapestry of life—whether through nature, music, or the simple act of listening.
